Act 1: Scene 4

Ondy walks center stage.

ONDY: Listen. I think we should talk about something. You remember that one time that we...(pause) Hey you know how we've been best friends for so long...No. Hmmm...
Hey so, I think I love you.

GIRL 5: Ondy, who are you talking to.

ONDY: No one...I mean well I was going to talk to...nevermind.

GIRL 5: Were you talking to yourself again, Ondy. what did I tell you about talking to yourself. It's really not a good sign if you do it everyday.

ONDY: I know. It's just, I think I'm in love.

GIRL 5: With who?

ONDY: That's the thing. That's why I've been talking to myself. I think I'm in love with myself.

GIRL 5: Oh, well have you told yourself, yet?

ONDY: That's what I was practicing but, I'm super nervous. I mean, we've always gotten along and we do everything together. I just don't know how to tell him. I mean what would you do.

GIRL 5: Well first of all I'd have to develop an ego the size of the sun to ever have this dilemma. In fact I'm pretty sure you have to be suffering some type of mental illness to be having this conversation. But we'll talk about that some other time. Listen, if you're really in love, just do what I did. You look that man right in the eye, you tell him exactly how you feel, and if he doesn't respond positively, then just delete him from your life.

ONDY: I can't just delete him, he's not some program or application. You've definitely been hanging around Ren for too long. And besides, we've been so close for so long. I don't know if I can just forget about him like that.

GIRL 5: Well, then just cross your fingers and hope for the best.

ONDY: Yeah I guess you're right. If you can't love yourself. How in the HELL you gon' love somebody else. Can I get an amen?

GIRL 5: No.

ONDY: Okay. I think I'm ready.

GIRL 5: Go get 'em tiger.

ONDY 2 walks on stage.

ONDY: Hey, Ondy.

ONDY 2: Hey. Have you seen our phone, I haven't--

ONDY: Oh. It's right here. (pulling it out of his pocket)

ONDY 2: Why do you always do that.

ONDY: Do what?

ONDY 2: Lose things in your pocket.

ONDY: I usually have a lot of pockets okay. Fierceness requires repetition.

ONDY 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

ONDY: So, listen can we talk?

ONDY 2: What did Iris tell you about talking to me. It's really not normal.

ONDY: Actually it's okay for me to talk to you. You're not supposed to be talking back to me.

ONDY 2: Yeah. So what did you want to talk about?

ONDY: It's that...Um. Well...I just wanted to talk about.

ONDY 2: Spit it o--

ONDY: I love you!

A long silent pause.

ONDY 2: Is that so?

ONDY: Yes.

ONDY 2: If you love me. If you REALLY love me, then why did it take you 21 years to tell me.

ONDY: Well, I mean. I think I've always known, but those first years it was really hard to express myself and then after that I just thought maybe the feeling would go away...You're not going to leave me are you.

ONDY 2 stares at him blankly.

ONDY 2: You know, you should probably go have that chat with Iris. I think she can help you.

ONDY: What?

ONDY 2: Of course I'm not going to leave you! Where am I going to go?

ONDY: I don't know you could...oh wait, yeah, I guess you're not going to leave.

ONDY 2: I'm going to need sometime to think about this. I mean it's great that you love me and all, I think I love you too but don't take this too far. It's starting to make me feel kind of weird.

ONDY: Yeah, I'm starting to feel that way too.

ONDY 2: But, I mean you know I'll always be here for you when it's time to turn on the sass and own a club, or pull out the latest in Ondy fashion (come on, do you remember that scarf?). I think I'm more useful for those kinds of things. Consider our love...understood. It doesn't really need to be talked about that much. Just show it.

ONDY: Right.

ONDY 2: So I'll see you in the bathroom? Maybe the closet mirror?

ONDY: Yup! I start getting ready in an hour.

ONDY 2: Where are we going tonight?

ONDY: Probably a straight club. So lame.

ONDY 2: Oh come on, it won't be that bad.

ONDY 2 winks at ONDY.

ONDY 2: And we return to Gotham...?

ONDY: Tomorrow

ONDY 2: Finally, I know you feel all dark and sexy over there, but I'm baking inside with all this tanning.

ONDY smiles as ONDY 2 disappears.