Ondy walks center stage.
ONDY: Listen. I think we should talk about something. You remember that one time that we...(pause) Hey you know how we've been best friends for so long...No. Hmmm...
Hey so, I think I love you.
GIRL 5: Ondy, who are you talking to.
ONDY: No one...I mean well I was going to talk to...nevermind.
GIRL 5: Were you talking to yourself again, Ondy. what did I tell you about talking to yourself. It's really not a good sign if you do it everyday.
ONDY: I know. It's just, I think I'm in love.
GIRL 5: With who?
ONDY: That's the thing. That's why I've been talking to myself. I think I'm in love with myself.
GIRL 5: Oh, well have you told yourself, yet?
ONDY: That's what I was practicing but, I'm super nervous. I mean, we've always gotten along and we do everything together. I just don't know how to tell him. I mean what would you do.
GIRL 5: Well first of all I'd have to develop an ego the size of the sun to ever have this dilemma. In fact I'm pretty sure you have to be suffering some type of mental illness to be having this conversation. But we'll talk about that some other time. Listen, if you're really in love, just do what I did. You look that man right in the eye, you tell him exactly how you feel, and if he doesn't respond positively, then just delete him from your life.
ONDY: I can't just delete him, he's not some program or application. You've definitely been hanging around Ren for too long. And besides, we've been so close for so long. I don't know if I can just forget about him like that.
GIRL 5: Well, then just cross your fingers and hope for the best.
ONDY: Yeah I guess you're right. If you can't love yourself. How in the HELL you gon' love somebody else. Can I get an amen?
GIRL 5: No.
ONDY: Okay. I think I'm ready.
GIRL 5: Go get 'em tiger.
ONDY 2 walks on stage.
ONDY: Hey, Ondy.
ONDY 2: Hey. Have you seen our phone, I haven't--
ONDY: Oh. It's right here. (pulling it out of his pocket)
ONDY 2: Why do you always do that.
ONDY: Do what?
ONDY 2: Lose things in your pocket.
ONDY: I usually have a lot of pockets okay. Fierceness requires repetition.
ONDY 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
ONDY: So, listen can we talk?
ONDY 2: What did Iris tell you about talking to me. It's really not normal.
ONDY: Actually it's okay for me to talk to you. You're not supposed to be talking back to me.
ONDY 2: Yeah. So what did you want to talk about?
ONDY: It's that...Um. Well...I just wanted to talk about.
ONDY 2: Spit it o--
ONDY: I love you!
A long silent pause.
ONDY 2: Is that so?
ONDY: Yes.
ONDY 2: If you love me. If you REALLY love me, then why did it take you 21 years to tell me.
ONDY: Well, I mean. I think I've always known, but those first years it was really hard to express myself and then after that I just thought maybe the feeling would go away...You're not going to leave me are you.
ONDY 2 stares at him blankly.
ONDY 2: You know, you should probably go have that chat with Iris. I think she can help you.
ONDY: What?
ONDY 2: Of course I'm not going to leave you! Where am I going to go?
ONDY: I don't know you could...oh wait, yeah, I guess you're not going to leave.
ONDY 2: I'm going to need sometime to think about this. I mean it's great that you love me and all, I think I love you too but don't take this too far. It's starting to make me feel kind of weird.
ONDY: Yeah, I'm starting to feel that way too.
ONDY 2: But, I mean you know I'll always be here for you when it's time to turn on the sass and own a club, or pull out the latest in Ondy fashion (come on, do you remember that scarf?). I think I'm more useful for those kinds of things. Consider our love...understood. It doesn't really need to be talked about that much. Just show it.
ONDY: Right.
ONDY 2: So I'll see you in the bathroom? Maybe the closet mirror?
ONDY: Yup! I start getting ready in an hour.
ONDY 2: Where are we going tonight?
ONDY: Probably a straight club. So lame.
ONDY 2: Oh come on, it won't be that bad.
ONDY 2 winks at ONDY.
ONDY 2: And we return to Gotham...?
ONDY: Tomorrow
ONDY 2: Finally, I know you feel all dark and sexy over there, but I'm baking inside with all this tanning.
ONDY smiles as ONDY 2 disappears.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Act 1: Scene 3 1/2
Friday Night. Lights up on int. house.
ONDY: 96...97...
GIRL 4: What are you doing?
ONDY: Burpies...99...100. Whew.
GIRL 4: What's a Burpy?
ONDY: My New Workout plan. Beyonce does them everyday. What time are we leaving?
RANDOM GUY (offstage): Is everyone getting ready?
GIRL 4: (pressing intercom button) Yes!
ONDY: Shit. I still have to shower.
GIRL 4: Well hurry up, I still have to do my makeup.
ONDY: I'll be quick.
Ondy strips to his underwear, grabs a towel and exits offstage. GIRL 4 remains in the room and the lights begin to dim until.
GIRL 4: What is that!?
Spotlight focuses on a bright water bottle across the stage. GIRL 4 tip toes towards the bottle. She stops, looks around, then inches closer. She let's out a slight giggle of excitement. She finally rushes and grabs the bottle then hoists it into the air.
GIRL 4: Oh. My. God. I... Love... This... Cup!
(SONG: THE CUP SONG: I DON"T SEE WHY YOU WOULDN'T BE HAPPY)
As GIRL 4 finishes her number she exits to finish getting ready. ONDY Returns from his shower.
ONDY: Oh shit!
He runs off stage.
ONDY (offstage): Hey. I have to pee!
GIRL 4: You'll have to wait.
ONDY: Come on. It's an emergency!!!
GIRL 4: Ondy. I'm in the middle of putting on mascara. I cannot lose focus right now.
ONDY: Ugh!
ONDY returns on stage looks around for something anything to use. He see's the red bottle.
ONDY: Perfect.
ONDY proceeds to urinate in the red bottle.
ONDY: That's better.
Lights down.
ONDY: 96...97...
GIRL 4: What are you doing?
ONDY: Burpies...99...100. Whew.
GIRL 4: What's a Burpy?
ONDY: My New Workout plan. Beyonce does them everyday. What time are we leaving?
RANDOM GUY (offstage): Is everyone getting ready?
GIRL 4: (pressing intercom button) Yes!
ONDY: Shit. I still have to shower.
GIRL 4: Well hurry up, I still have to do my makeup.
ONDY: I'll be quick.
Ondy strips to his underwear, grabs a towel and exits offstage. GIRL 4 remains in the room and the lights begin to dim until.
GIRL 4: What is that!?
Spotlight focuses on a bright water bottle across the stage. GIRL 4 tip toes towards the bottle. She stops, looks around, then inches closer. She let's out a slight giggle of excitement. She finally rushes and grabs the bottle then hoists it into the air.
GIRL 4: Oh. My. God. I... Love... This... Cup!
(SONG: THE CUP SONG: I DON"T SEE WHY YOU WOULDN'T BE HAPPY)
As GIRL 4 finishes her number she exits to finish getting ready. ONDY Returns from his shower.
ONDY: Oh shit!
He runs off stage.
ONDY (offstage): Hey. I have to pee!
GIRL 4: You'll have to wait.
ONDY: Come on. It's an emergency!!!
GIRL 4: Ondy. I'm in the middle of putting on mascara. I cannot lose focus right now.
ONDY: Ugh!
ONDY returns on stage looks around for something anything to use. He see's the red bottle.
ONDY: Perfect.
ONDY proceeds to urinate in the red bottle.
ONDY: That's better.
Lights down.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Act 1: Scene 3
Lights up on a row of 8 outdoor lawn chairs. Each is filled with a body in a bathing suit, soaking in the rays. Everyone is laying down smiling and enjoying the sun except ONDY who is seated in the last chair still frantically typing on his laptop . GIRL 3, who is on the opposite end of the chairs, whispers to RANDOM GUY. He whispers to GIRL 4 who is next to him and (much like the game of telephone) the whisper passes down to GIRL 1 who is sitting next to ONDY and she asks
GIRL 1: Ondy, Are you done yet?
ONDY stays focused and quickly shakes his head 'no' while continuing to type. He stops. A smile lights up across his face and everyone looks over at him with anticipation...
He hunches over and begins typing again. This time a little less flustered. Then he stops and everyone looks at him once again.
Just as Ondy begins to raise his rands with joy he quickly slouches over yet another time. He now feels more anxious than ever to finish his work. ONDY is now typing at a ridiculous speed and seems so removed from the stage that he almost doesn't hear
GIRL 2: (Entering with her laptop) Hey Ondy, do you have internet access.
ONDY: I don't know, I'm working on a paper.
GIRL 3: OMG! He's actually going to talk on this trip.
ONDY: Shut it. I'm almost finished.
GIRL 2: Well, can you check for me.
ONDY: You have your laptop right there. You can't check for yourself?
GIRL 2: Well, I could. But I just wanted to--
ONDY shoots an evil glare to GIRL 2. Who receives the glare then exits Stage L.
Everyone on stage remains silent as ONDY seems to be putting the final touches on his paper.
There's a tense beat. Then GIRL 2 re-enters, now carrying a cat in her hand.
GIRL 2: Do you guys think we should go out and get more tanning lotion today just in case someone runs out next week?
Everyone on stage lets out an intentionally audible sigh.
ONDY: OMG! I'm done. And send...and finished! Woot, Woot! Now that's how you do it, baby!
('I'm walking on Sunshine' begins playing in the background)
Ondy's laptop floats off of his lap and above the stage until it can no longer be seen. ONDY stands up and rips his pajama pants off to reveal a bright green sexy speedo. GIRL 3 and GIRL 4 enter and spray Ondy's body with tanning oil as RANDOM GUY rubs in the oil and GIRL 5 brings him a corona.
ONDY: Senior in college, on a much deserved spring break, and single. This should be fun.
GIRL 6: Are you narrating your thought process out loud?
ONDY: Yes.
The stage is silent for a moment.
ONDY: Huh-Lo!
Exeunt
GIRL 1: Ondy, Are you done yet?
ONDY stays focused and quickly shakes his head 'no' while continuing to type. He stops. A smile lights up across his face and everyone looks over at him with anticipation...
He hunches over and begins typing again. This time a little less flustered. Then he stops and everyone looks at him once again.
Just as Ondy begins to raise his rands with joy he quickly slouches over yet another time. He now feels more anxious than ever to finish his work. ONDY is now typing at a ridiculous speed and seems so removed from the stage that he almost doesn't hear
GIRL 2: (Entering with her laptop) Hey Ondy, do you have internet access.
ONDY: I don't know, I'm working on a paper.
GIRL 3: OMG! He's actually going to talk on this trip.
ONDY: Shut it. I'm almost finished.
GIRL 2: Well, can you check for me.
ONDY: You have your laptop right there. You can't check for yourself?
GIRL 2: Well, I could. But I just wanted to--
ONDY shoots an evil glare to GIRL 2. Who receives the glare then exits Stage L.
Everyone on stage remains silent as ONDY seems to be putting the final touches on his paper.
There's a tense beat. Then GIRL 2 re-enters, now carrying a cat in her hand.
GIRL 2: Do you guys think we should go out and get more tanning lotion today just in case someone runs out next week?
Everyone on stage lets out an intentionally audible sigh.
ONDY: OMG! I'm done. And send...and finished! Woot, Woot! Now that's how you do it, baby!
('I'm walking on Sunshine' begins playing in the background)
Ondy's laptop floats off of his lap and above the stage until it can no longer be seen. ONDY stands up and rips his pajama pants off to reveal a bright green sexy speedo. GIRL 3 and GIRL 4 enter and spray Ondy's body with tanning oil as RANDOM GUY rubs in the oil and GIRL 5 brings him a corona.
ONDY: Senior in college, on a much deserved spring break, and single. This should be fun.
GIRL 6: Are you narrating your thought process out loud?
ONDY: Yes.
The stage is silent for a moment.
ONDY: Huh-Lo!
Exeunt
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Act 1: Scene 2
Lights up on a dormitory common area filled with students partying like it's 1996. The boombox in the middle of the stage elevates over the crowd and Britney Spear's "Hold it against me" begins blaring. There's an ASIAN GIRL noticeably dancing more "provocatively" than everyone else and she stands out from the rest of the crowd. The lights dim and a spot light comes up on ONDY who is haunched over in the opposite corner still typing frantically on his laptop. Everyone freezes except ONDY. He stops and looks up as the sound of an airplane flying overhead goes by. The music reconvenes except now it's Beyonce's "Single Ladies". ONDY sets his laptop to the side. Walks across the stage and taps a RANDOM GUY in the crowd as well as the ASIAN GIRL and the three of them move to the center of the stage. Three spotlights come up and they begin the
[SINGLE LADIES DANCE BREAK]
At the end of the song, ONDY returns to his post and begins typing once again, now with a sly smile on his face as the party continues.
[SINGLE LADIES DANCE BREAK]
At the end of the song, ONDY returns to his post and begins typing once again, now with a sly smile on his face as the party continues.
Act 1: Scene 1
Lights come up on a messy office. Papers are scattered around and ONDY can be seen typing insanely fast on his laptop.
Ondy: You know what. Fuck this paper. I'm on spring break...NOW. [slams laptop closed and grabs jacket and chinese food. Exits stage right]
The stage is empty for 10 seconds. The door opens and in walks Ondy. He sits back down, opens his laptop and continues typing.
Ondy: You know what. Fuck this paper. I'm on spring break...NOW. [slams laptop closed and grabs jacket and chinese food. Exits stage right]
The stage is empty for 10 seconds. The door opens and in walks Ondy. He sits back down, opens his laptop and continues typing.
Prelude to an Idea
March 10th 2010. The stage is almost bare with the exception of a single standing microphone and a large boom box right behind it. A large button on top of the is magically pushed down and (music begins to play)
It is the 5 Stairsteps' golden hit "O-o-h Child". The lights come up the music stops and
Ent. Ondy
Ondy: (in the microphone)He's conceited-
His naive narcicism is his favorite game to play in the mirror
and it jeers him because underneath there is nothing but satan blatantly tainting the trachea
voicing boasts and brags continuously and strenuously buzzing the listeners ears and mind
causing them to realize
the bastard is dastardly good at being beautifully hideous.
Because seriously he's an angel of versatility
His heart is full of passion his soul? Virility
So while you lament your moans and sighs of deprived deprivation
Remember that this boy is a man of dreams and elevation
-He's conscious.
Ondy leaves the microphone and is just about to exit the stage. He stops and looks back at the boombox. The button is magically pressed again and the music continues...
Lights Down.
It is the 5 Stairsteps' golden hit "O-o-h Child". The lights come up the music stops and
Ent. Ondy
Ondy: (in the microphone)He's conceited-
His naive narcicism is his favorite game to play in the mirror
and it jeers him because underneath there is nothing but satan blatantly tainting the trachea
voicing boasts and brags continuously and strenuously buzzing the listeners ears and mind
causing them to realize
the bastard is dastardly good at being beautifully hideous.
Because seriously he's an angel of versatility
His heart is full of passion his soul? Virility
So while you lament your moans and sighs of deprived deprivation
Remember that this boy is a man of dreams and elevation
-He's conscious.
Ondy leaves the microphone and is just about to exit the stage. He stops and looks back at the boombox. The button is magically pressed again and the music continues...
Lights Down.
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